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Who Am I? Part One in a series. Meltdown

Relevant lyrics to this entry, from the Carbon Leaf song "Meltdown"

Should I base my decisions on the feelings that I feel
Or base my feelings on decisions and pretend the feeling's real?
I wait for good times and peace to live and love
Pretty soon we'll find my time's run out; my heart's turned to dust.
'Cause the world keeps spinning whether you live or you die
You could go it alone or leave your footprint on some hearts and minds.


Had a conversation with Samantha about "us" and me and where we stand and helping to figure out where I'm going.

As much as neither of us wanted it, we agreed it will be better in the long term for us to remain friends instead of the friend/relationship superposition we had. Knowing that no matter how I try to manage it I will fall for her and be emotionally wrecked for a time when the relationship inevitably ends, we decided to end it early and remain friends, avoiding awkwardness and tension at work.

This is also made slightly easier in that we no longer carpool together, so we won't have that hour and change alone together bookending each day.

With how much I miss her right now, my rational mind says ending it early is a Good Thing. My emotional mind wants the rational mind to die in a fire.

I did come to one conclusion in the conversation: I enjoy helping people, and want to leave people better for having interacted with me. This ties in with having rewatched James Stewart in Harvey recently, and the great quote from the character of Elwood P. Dowd:
Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be," — she always called me Elwood — "In this world, you must be oh so smart, or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.

Comments

mckavian
Jul. 6th, 2010 07:39 pm (UTC)
I am right there with you on the relationship ending.

At least yours is ending more pleasantly than mine did.
karaksindru
Jul. 6th, 2010 07:49 pm (UTC)
(Haha! Love that icon)

If it's any consolation, my relationship was very short and after the first day we knew there was not going to be a romantic component. What we ended last night was the "with cuddling benefits" part of "friends with cuddling benefits" in favor of keeping the "friends" long term. The shorter the relationship the less painful the breakup.

Give me a call if you need someone to talk to sometime (more on my reasoning behind this in the next part of this series). If you don't have my number you can get it from Melissa or Terry (mountain_hiker) It looks like I have your number, so you probably have mine (303 areacode), though my number for you may be out of date (719 area code)

Edited at 2010-07-06 07:50 pm (UTC)
mckavian
Jul. 6th, 2010 11:15 pm (UTC)
Yeah, fairly out of date; mine is now 405-361-8660. Go ahead and give me a call so I can just save it into my phone. For some reason I do not understand, Terry does not reply to me any more.

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