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Relevant lyrics:
What have you learned,
Now that you've been burned
By the girl who used to be the center of your world
Who used to be your center of gravity
And now you're so unsure
You're like a squirrel out in the middle of the road
You're halfway there but don't know which way to go
...

What have you learned, can you remember?
Now that they don't know what to do
Now that they miss your heart of gold so badly
This is what I'd say if I were you
It's in a treasure chest that's buried in the sand
But the X does not mark the spot and I do not need a hand
And if I burst out into flames without your guidance anymore
Just scatter me across the sea and you can kiss my ashes from the shore


Samantha once said I was comfortable to be around, calming or relaxing. I believe she is not alone in feeling this way.

After she said that, I realized that's a component of how I see myself: an emotional rock onto which my dear friends can anchor themselves when they need some stability, or grounding. I know at least two of my friends have called me in tears, in the midst of an emotional crisis, and ended the conversation feeling at least a little better. I think I've said it before, but it bears repeating; I extend an open invitation to my friends: if you have my phone number you may call me anytime, day or night, if you need someone to talk to. I may not be coherent in the middle of the night, but I will listen and be as supportive as I can.

My favorite D&D character recently is my dwarven warden. His role in combat is to keep the enemies focused on him and to take damage instead of the rest of the party, and he's remarkably good at it. He has 113 hit points, but an enemy may need to deal as much as 300 damage to him before he falls, considerably more than the rest of the group combined.

I want to see myself as Protector or Defender, but recognize I lack necessary training in physical defense. alarin612 has helped a bit in that area, but he cannot do everything in the limited time we're in the same place.

The Protector self-image plays a part in which women I find attractive, leading me toward the smaller women I could easily carry or shield by virtue of standing between her and a threat.

This is at odds, perhaps, with my passivity in relationships.

The pattern recognition part of my brain has a lot of work ahead, trying to identify common threads in past relationships especially, but also in life in general.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
phoenix_hawk
Jul. 7th, 2010 10:31 pm (UTC)
This Post is an IOU
and a reminder that when we both have free time (I don't, at the moment due to contract work), that I want to bounce some ideas off of you on this, as I've struggled with this exact issue for a very long time in my own life.
fritters
Jul. 7th, 2010 11:19 pm (UTC)
karaksindru
Jul. 9th, 2010 08:06 am (UTC)
That's a good icon for this post. I may have to steal it. ;)
fritters
Jul. 9th, 2010 02:45 pm (UTC)
It's actually my default right now, because it's ALWAYS appropriate.
karaksindru
Jul. 9th, 2010 07:17 pm (UTC)
I'm still going to steal it. And, of course, credit you when I use it.
fritters
Jul. 9th, 2010 07:19 pm (UTC)
^_______^
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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